Have you ever had a dream that from the minute you wake up, you know will haunt you for the rest of the day? I did last night. And it’s all I can think about today.
I won’t go into great detail about the dream itself as it is somewhat personal. I share a lot of things, but there is also a part of me that keeps things just that…personal. I will admit that it was about my mom who passed away more than 9 years ago after a fleeting battle with breast cancer and 2 cards she gave me 4 years (on my 18th birthday) and less than 2 years (when I left for my junior year of college) before her death.
I read these cards daily. Regret and disappointment, sadness and heartache, anger and uncontrollable grief consume me as I carefully study the sweet words. I have memorized the declaration of her love of me and the pride she felt in being my mother. I read these words over and over, but still cannot make myself believe that I was this girl. I remember things differently.
For this reason I live with regret that I wasn’t the perfect daughter. I survive with disappointment in myself for not being there when I should have. I am sad and at times my heart aches so badly I can hardly breathe. I am angry that my mother is gone and that we did not have the chance to become the best friends I wanted us to be. My grief overpowers me.
I am sad today. I miss my Momma. Please pray for sweet dreams for me tonight.
