Have you ever had a dream that from the minute you wake up, you know will haunt you for the rest of the day? I did last night. And it’s all I can think about today.
I won’t go into great detail about the dream itself as it is somewhat personal. I share a lot of things, but there is also a part of me that keeps things just that…personal. I will admit that it was about my mom who passed away more than 9 years ago after a fleeting battle with breast cancer and 2 cards she gave me 4 years (on my 18th birthday) and less than 2 years (when I left for my junior year of college) before her death.
I read these cards daily. Regret and disappointment, sadness and heartache, anger and uncontrollable grief consume me as I carefully study the sweet words. I have memorized the declaration of her love of me and the pride she felt in being my mother. I read these words over and over, but still cannot make myself believe that I was this girl. I remember things differently.
For this reason I live with regret that I wasn’t the perfect daughter. I survive with disappointment in myself for not being there when I should have. I am sad and at times my heart aches so badly I can hardly breathe. I am angry that my mother is gone and that we did not have the chance to become the best friends I wanted us to be. My grief overpowers me.
I am sad today. I miss my Momma. Please pray for sweet dreams for me tonight.
Sweet dreams angela....as a mother I just want you to know...It is not possible for her to ever be dissapointed in you. When you become a mother you will know exactly what im talking about...I can't put into words what its like...I believe the minute you hold your own baby you will see exactly how your mother felt. I hope you don't take offense to my comment. Truly I do send sweet dreams and comforting thoughts...I really hope I said the right thing and if I didn't just know its out of hope and concern for you.
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